My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
even my farts smell like vagina
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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