dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
