So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
