Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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