Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
