i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
