What a fucking waste of an outfit
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
