I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
