You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
