Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
These tits shall not be calmed
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
