Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My balls are so social today.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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