you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
