I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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