I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
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