I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
