all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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