do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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