Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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