i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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