I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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