I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
