All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
