he thought i was a dude.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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