Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
