How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
