before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
