P.S. I can't hear my feet
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
