Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I checked into jail on foursquare
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize