it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
