Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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