my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
