You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dick very happy bro
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
