u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
