I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
