he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize