I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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