if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
