my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
