when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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