the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
