I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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