Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
