The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
