I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
