So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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