we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
