are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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