Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
