Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
