My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Girls should come with a carfax report
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
