Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
