Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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