We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm like, not good at living.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
