What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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