It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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