are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
