I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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