And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
