You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
