How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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