Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
