Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I have demons in me.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
