you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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