I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
