Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
