my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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