Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
