I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
