I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
