I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
