I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
