How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
