Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
