I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
